Monday, February 05, 2007
- 9:08 PM
okay i wasnt done. but it was getting rather lengthy. oh well. i like writing. (: anyways. i hate the way you always ignore me. as in like its not that i want you to focus on me. but you know. dont give me.. argh. forget it. i'm just being a self=centered bitch again. ): wad the. its so not fair. i try so hard. why am i not getting anything out of it? and now ive got frens who actually agree that i've got attitude!!? oh man. do i? honestly. sigh. im not lovin it frankly. who likes being called 'little miss attitude?'. well not that i was. but u noe wad i mean. and coach let me catch today! FINALLY. but no use. cause i just showed him how much i suck. made things worse? possibly. maybe i really do suck.. oh well. that'll explain alot. like how he said i'm stubborn? and worse thing is, not at my face but BEHIND my back. omg. and doesnt help that i really want to play! but im making it all worse. okay back to softball. new town b div! excuse me! but you're really making ppl feel really left out here okay! not me. but generally. esp 3 of you. one of whom i consider my best fren. but lately. i've not been feeling that way. like you've got someone new. ): and it makes me wanna cry whenever i think about it. and she still says that i'm drifting away cause i'm jealous you're cap. wad CRAP. maybe i WAS. but tell me, is it not natural to feel that way?? am i not human after all? arent i entitled to my own feelings? how can you define that as selfish?? i thought u knew me better but apparently, if that's how you feel.. then i'm sorry, YOU DONT. anyway, i really wish things would go back to the way they were. IMPOSSIBLE. i imagine things too much. how i really wish.. sigh. but no. it wont. feeling lost. lonely. distracted. SELF PITY AGAIN. argh. no its not. i'm merely expressing how i feel.. i'm not pitying! argh. forget it. let the world think however they want. its not my problem. sadly. even tho i'm not depressed. i'm feeling down. alot. but i've learnt to control it. to keep it inside. locked up in a place deep down inside my rotten heart.
